How to deal with failure

Back at it again. I'm sorry for my absence but I was just so busy with my last final that I barely had time to leave my desk. As seen from the title, you probably already guessed that I failed. As much as I tried hard and studied, it didn't get through in the end and honestly, I do feel a bit disappointed about myself because I could've tried harder. Now, it's easy to say so but it's a completely different story when you actually have to work hard for it and get so stressed out that you barely get through the day without having an emotional breakdown. I've been pretty shaken up after I walked out of professors office, realizing I just "threw" one year away, but I slowly came to terms with it and accepting it, because it's not THAT big of a deal after all. 

Even though I said I could've tried harder, that doesn't mean I didn't already work my ass off for this exam. It just turned out I don't respond well to extremely stressful situations in which time is a key factor. It doesn't mean I'm stupid or unqualified for law school, it just means I need to work even harder to completely understand even the most basic concepts of it and start from there. My biggest mistake must have been that I though my oral exam will consist of complex and difficult questions and latin expressions. It turned out I was so wrong, because my professor started with a plain and basic question and a simple definition, and I couldn't even answer him correctly because all I did was study those difficult concepts, thinking I was hella smart for it. Thinking back, I should have known that basics are the key to understanding the wider picture, and you should never just skim through basic stuff and go straight to the difficult part of the subject. That especially goes for Law! 

A positive thing I got out from this mess is that learning from your own mistakes is the best kind of learning of how life works and how you should try and make it the best for you. Looking back on what we did wrong opens up a shitload of possibilities of what we should've done instead and try to find a way to make it better in the future. Failure is normal, it happens to everyone and sooner you accept it, happier you will be with your life, because nothing is irreversible to the point it can't be fixed, even though it seems like that in the beginning. Head up!

It wouldn't be me if I forgot to mention alcohol. I'm not saying getting hammered is gonna help you get through the first phase of being disappointed and angry, but having a glass of wine to just relax and think about your situation is a huge stress relief. Having a bar of chocolate nearby also isn't such a bad idea, or catching up on your favorite series you haven't been able to watch for the whole year... well, now might be the perfect time you do all the things you've been wanting to do for a long time, but never had time. Take a few days or even weeks for yourself, do what you love, hang out with your friends and spend time with family, because after you get back on track, you're gonna ace all of your shit and be a badass! 

Stay positive!

When being pathetic is your hobby

EU Law - CHECK!

Yes, that's right, I finally got my results and I passed! Very impressed, considering the amount of time I spent studying (close to none), but yet disappointed at the same time, because it was very easy and I could've gotten a much higher grade with a little more effort instead of procrastinating.

I can't remember exactly what's been going on around me recently because I spent most of the time in my room studying. And sleeping. I was very close to a mental breakdown or something similar to it, but then I went to a bar, had a beer and enjoyed the view of nature and handsome male nurses passing by in tight pants. I'm pathetic sometimes. 

So what's new/my recent hobbies and activities?

- been suffering from insomnia during the weekend because I was subconsciously nervous about my main exam I had on Tuesday

- almost cried for no reason

- only slept for 3 hours in two days before my exam

- got tipsy from only one beer (I disappoint myself)

- slept for 12 hours after the exam

- daydreaming about stuff I should be doing irl but I'm too lame

- trying to stay positive, even though I'm so close to failing the main exam it's scary

- calculating the number of pages I have to read per day until my next exam

- avoiding socialization with a certain someone I almost dislike, but not really

- PROCRASTINATING

Writing this blog is an alternative to my Economics study session. Words cannot explain my hatred towards Economics. But ya know, it has to be done, like it or not, so I'm gonna hit the books after I finish this confusing post. I finish with all my exams next week and I cannot wait to be over with this because the struggle is real. Studying during summer is frustrating, especially for a lazy procrastinator like myself. Until then, I'm just gonna have to push the limits and study af in hopes I pass at least my main exam. 

Pray for me, k thx bye.

Exam results, where you at?!

Serving you another update on my, lately, rather exciting life. I was at the hospital twice this week, again, my gran had the last two checkups there. It turned out her health condition is getting better and she's doing surprisingly well after what she's been through in the past 3 months. I also got to know the majority of paramedics and nurses, which comes in handy while waiting in the line for 5 hours. Today I actually met a cool paramedic who happens to adore Suits just like me and pretty much every other series I watch. I was impressed that he instantly knew which series I was referring to when I explained to him why I chose to study law. Oh, the perks of accompanying my gran to her checkups *winks*

I finally cut my hair. Please, applaud me. I was planning on going to the hairdresser for a month and I managed to do it this week. I'd say it's a pretty big difference, I got rid of at least 10 cm of my hair so I am now officially a squishy-headed mushroom. Just kidding, but my hair is chin length with a side fringe and I remind myself of a mushroom. Apparently, I look much younger now, which may cause me some problems, because most people still identifies me as a minor, when I am in fact almost 21. Y'all gonna be jelly when I hit 60 and I'm gonna look like I'm 40! So this paramedic I mentioned before said I don't look like a kid and I actually felt pretty damn good, but then I went to the shop, and since it's the first school day today, the cashier asked me how was my first school day (she thought I was 16). No need to say my confidence from before went away pretty damn quick. I still have to show my ID when I go out to buy some alcohol, so I shouldn't be surprised at all. I also treated myself to a new phone and I am very satisfied with it. Microsoft all the way (sorry iFruit loverz).

Most importantly, I STILL DON'T KNOW THE RESULTS OF MY EU LAW EXAM! I'm probably the most impatient person ever so it's driving me crazy. I've been checking the uni website every day since Friday and I get pissed off every time I see an empty space instead of my grade! Imagine me flip out in case I fail. Not a pretty picture. 

Regarding law school, I am kind of a mess right now. I just can't get myself to study and I don't know what the actual f**k is going on. I am now very behind with studying and I'll have to be pretty damn hard-working if I want to finish the book (at least). I could use a handout, a summary or whatever shorter and simplified version of it, but I honestly don't like studying from that, because I don't get the whole detailed picture I want. All or nothing, even if it takes more time. One thing I hate is going to an oral exam unprepared. It's a paradox, I can't get myself to study soon enough, but at the same time, I wanna know everything or at least enough to get a decent grade.

I actually wrote this post instead of starting my study session. I'm in trouble but at least I had something to tell. Peace out *mockingjay whistle*