How to deal with failure

Back at it again. I'm sorry for my absence but I was just so busy with my last final that I barely had time to leave my desk. As seen from the title, you probably already guessed that I failed. As much as I tried hard and studied, it didn't get through in the end and honestly, I do feel a bit disappointed about myself because I could've tried harder. Now, it's easy to say so but it's a completely different story when you actually have to work hard for it and get so stressed out that you barely get through the day without having an emotional breakdown. I've been pretty shaken up after I walked out of professors office, realizing I just "threw" one year away, but I slowly came to terms with it and accepting it, because it's not THAT big of a deal after all. 

Even though I said I could've tried harder, that doesn't mean I didn't already work my ass off for this exam. It just turned out I don't respond well to extremely stressful situations in which time is a key factor. It doesn't mean I'm stupid or unqualified for law school, it just means I need to work even harder to completely understand even the most basic concepts of it and start from there. My biggest mistake must have been that I though my oral exam will consist of complex and difficult questions and latin expressions. It turned out I was so wrong, because my professor started with a plain and basic question and a simple definition, and I couldn't even answer him correctly because all I did was study those difficult concepts, thinking I was hella smart for it. Thinking back, I should have known that basics are the key to understanding the wider picture, and you should never just skim through basic stuff and go straight to the difficult part of the subject. That especially goes for Law! 

A positive thing I got out from this mess is that learning from your own mistakes is the best kind of learning of how life works and how you should try and make it the best for you. Looking back on what we did wrong opens up a shitload of possibilities of what we should've done instead and try to find a way to make it better in the future. Failure is normal, it happens to everyone and sooner you accept it, happier you will be with your life, because nothing is irreversible to the point it can't be fixed, even though it seems like that in the beginning. Head up!

It wouldn't be me if I forgot to mention alcohol. I'm not saying getting hammered is gonna help you get through the first phase of being disappointed and angry, but having a glass of wine to just relax and think about your situation is a huge stress relief. Having a bar of chocolate nearby also isn't such a bad idea, or catching up on your favorite series you haven't been able to watch for the whole year... well, now might be the perfect time you do all the things you've been wanting to do for a long time, but never had time. Take a few days or even weeks for yourself, do what you love, hang out with your friends and spend time with family, because after you get back on track, you're gonna ace all of your shit and be a badass! 

Stay positive!

When being pathetic is your hobby

EU Law - CHECK!

Yes, that's right, I finally got my results and I passed! Very impressed, considering the amount of time I spent studying (close to none), but yet disappointed at the same time, because it was very easy and I could've gotten a much higher grade with a little more effort instead of procrastinating.

I can't remember exactly what's been going on around me recently because I spent most of the time in my room studying. And sleeping. I was very close to a mental breakdown or something similar to it, but then I went to a bar, had a beer and enjoyed the view of nature and handsome male nurses passing by in tight pants. I'm pathetic sometimes. 

So what's new/my recent hobbies and activities?

- been suffering from insomnia during the weekend because I was subconsciously nervous about my main exam I had on Tuesday

- almost cried for no reason

- only slept for 3 hours in two days before my exam

- got tipsy from only one beer (I disappoint myself)

- slept for 12 hours after the exam

- daydreaming about stuff I should be doing irl but I'm too lame

- trying to stay positive, even though I'm so close to failing the main exam it's scary

- calculating the number of pages I have to read per day until my next exam

- avoiding socialization with a certain someone I almost dislike, but not really

- PROCRASTINATING

Writing this blog is an alternative to my Economics study session. Words cannot explain my hatred towards Economics. But ya know, it has to be done, like it or not, so I'm gonna hit the books after I finish this confusing post. I finish with all my exams next week and I cannot wait to be over with this because the struggle is real. Studying during summer is frustrating, especially for a lazy procrastinator like myself. Until then, I'm just gonna have to push the limits and study af in hopes I pass at least my main exam. 

Pray for me, k thx bye.

Exam results, where you at?!

Serving you another update on my, lately, rather exciting life. I was at the hospital twice this week, again, my gran had the last two checkups there. It turned out her health condition is getting better and she's doing surprisingly well after what she's been through in the past 3 months. I also got to know the majority of paramedics and nurses, which comes in handy while waiting in the line for 5 hours. Today I actually met a cool paramedic who happens to adore Suits just like me and pretty much every other series I watch. I was impressed that he instantly knew which series I was referring to when I explained to him why I chose to study law. Oh, the perks of accompanying my gran to her checkups *winks*

I finally cut my hair. Please, applaud me. I was planning on going to the hairdresser for a month and I managed to do it this week. I'd say it's a pretty big difference, I got rid of at least 10 cm of my hair so I am now officially a squishy-headed mushroom. Just kidding, but my hair is chin length with a side fringe and I remind myself of a mushroom. Apparently, I look much younger now, which may cause me some problems, because most people still identifies me as a minor, when I am in fact almost 21. Y'all gonna be jelly when I hit 60 and I'm gonna look like I'm 40! So this paramedic I mentioned before said I don't look like a kid and I actually felt pretty damn good, but then I went to the shop, and since it's the first school day today, the cashier asked me how was my first school day (she thought I was 16). No need to say my confidence from before went away pretty damn quick. I still have to show my ID when I go out to buy some alcohol, so I shouldn't be surprised at all. I also treated myself to a new phone and I am very satisfied with it. Microsoft all the way (sorry iFruit loverz).

Most importantly, I STILL DON'T KNOW THE RESULTS OF MY EU LAW EXAM! I'm probably the most impatient person ever so it's driving me crazy. I've been checking the uni website every day since Friday and I get pissed off every time I see an empty space instead of my grade! Imagine me flip out in case I fail. Not a pretty picture. 

Regarding law school, I am kind of a mess right now. I just can't get myself to study and I don't know what the actual f**k is going on. I am now very behind with studying and I'll have to be pretty damn hard-working if I want to finish the book (at least). I could use a handout, a summary or whatever shorter and simplified version of it, but I honestly don't like studying from that, because I don't get the whole detailed picture I want. All or nothing, even if it takes more time. One thing I hate is going to an oral exam unprepared. It's a paradox, I can't get myself to study soon enough, but at the same time, I wanna know everything or at least enough to get a decent grade.

I actually wrote this post instead of starting my study session. I'm in trouble but at least I had something to tell. Peace out *mockingjay whistle*

Stresstest

Long time no see, again. There's been some crazy shit happening for the past couple of days and I did not have time to write a single blog post. Well, not that this blog post will be any more interesting or useful to you but still. 

I completely lost my track of time and I had to check my calendar to know what day is it. So, Sunday huh? I'd usually say I hate Sundays because you know, there's always Monday following and Sundays are in my experience always kind of depressing or rainy and I come to the realization I haven't done anything for school and so on. But since I still "enjoy" my month off (not really but I have no lectures until October), Sundays are okay for now.

To sum up my week - I bought a planner! Now, I got all excited that I'll finally be able to plan my life and be productive af with a beautiful looking planner, and then I could only find some basic, simple looking planners. I was a bit disappointed but I settled for a simple green-ish looking one because it was the most practical. I already wrote in some of my important tasks and let me tell you - I failed to stick to it. Maybe it's smarter I leave it alone until October and try again then.

As I mentioned in the previous post, I had to go to the library to get some books and return the ones I don't need anymore. I was planning to go to my apartment on Tuesday or ultimately on Wednesday but I had to go to the hospital with my gran on Thursday so I basically haven't studied a lot for my exam I had on Friday because I didn't have all the books. Complicated, I know. All in all, I'm glad I went with my gran instead of going to my apartment and study, because the doctors there were kind of negligent and almost caused a disaster. Luckily, I'm very well informed about all the health issues my gran has and I happen to know something about it too so I had to be really persistent to convince surgeon, anesthesiologist, and nurses that it's risky to use a general anesthesia on her. They should know this already and check her medical records but apparently, that's too much of a hard work to do. So disappointed and glad I was there at the time. 

After being at the hospital literally for the whole day, I came home around 7 in the evening and I was so tired I couldn't study. I knew if I don't at least skim all the notes and cases, I have almost no chance to pass my EU law exam. So I took a 2-hour nap and studied until half past 2, then went to bed and woke up 3 hours later, went to my apartment which is quite far away from my home and studied for another hour and a half. I was so sleepy and had NO COFFEE!!!!! On top of everything, I got a cold and I was feeling like shit. Now, I don't know if I'm so lucky or I actually studied enough, but the exam was pretty easy and basic. I don't want to get my hopes up, though, because for every exam so far, I had a really bad feeling and then I passed with a good grade, but now I have a good feeling so it might end up terrible. We'll see.

Alrighty, enough of my blabbing, I still have to study for two exams and actually pass them, so I might be a bit lazy with blogging again. But do keep your fingers crossed for me, a tough month is about to begin.

Rant

Today was my last day at the seaside. It went by so quickly, I wish I could stay there for at least a week longer and chill. Haven't studied for shit, of course, but I tried. I even took my book to the beach but kids were screaming everywhere, not only in front of my porch at midnight.

I went to see my grandma who's in a nursing home and was very ill for the past 3 months and she is doing okay. Still not sure if I'm glad I saw my crush after quite a long time or not because I thought I got rid of annoying emotions and thoughts that were interrupting my study routine through the whole semester, but apparently, I'm crushing even more now... I'm an emotional wreck if I combine everything with being stressed due to my finals. Maybe being in a relationshit just isn't for me atm or you really can't handle law school and boyfriend at the same time like I hear so often, idk.

Excuse-zee-mwa for a pessimistic post today but I just feel like getting my thoughts out and see if I feel any better because honestly, I kinda feel sad and anxious out of nowhere. I have so much on my mind lately and I tend to overthink everything so it's getting slightly out of hand. But maybe, MAYBE it's just a bad day because my vacay is over and now I SERIOUSLY have to study or else I will be studying the same thing all over again. 

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I have to pay my rent, go to the bank and sort out some adult shit I don't quite get, visit gran, pack stuff and leave asap to my apartment and study! I must not forget to visit the library and return some books and pay a fine because I can never return them on time, then I need to visit my law library and get some more books for my final. I will probably forget to do at least one thing because that's just me, always. I need to buy a planner!

New school supplies!!

Today I went grocery shopping and I came across some school supplies. Needless to say, I'm basically obsessed with office stationery, colorful pens and highlighters so I went for it. I bought some stuff I need at a cheap store where everything costs basically 1€ which I think is great for school supplies because you can go crazy and not end up completely broke afterward. Another alternative is to buy your supplies online, through eBay for example. You can find awesomesauce stuff up there for a fair price and you can choose between various cute necessary and unnecessary stuff.

One thing I really needed was a stapler. I got lucky and found a package of ORANGE stapler and hole puncher, which is perfect for me because I adore the orange color. It cost around 5€ and it's definitely something I'm going to use on a daily basis. One thing I definitely went for too is THIS CUTE stapler. Just look at them! They are small and can fit into your pencil case or bag easily so it's always in handy whenever you need to staple your papers.

Even though I already own a ton of highlighters, I still gave in to the temptation when I saw a pack of erasable highlighters. Like what?! I was curious if this thing really works and how well it works. I tried them out and it actually erases pretty well on printed text and my notes that I have written with a pen, but on the other hand, you can still see a bit of a color if you highlight and erase on a pencil written notes. I'd say it's pretty handy for library books because you can't tell it has been highlighted after you erase the ink. I'm not sure if there were any more colors available because I picked it in a hurry and didn't even check properly, they cost around 3€. I also came across THOSE freaking awesome highlighters which are erasable too and look much cuter and are definitely more quality and worth the price. 

Moving on to paper clips and page markers. I bought them in this cheap euro store we have in our country and it's called Tedi ( I'm pretty sure you can find it elsewhere in Europe too). They have SO MUCH stationery it's mindblowing. I bought some colorful paper clips and stapler clips, and of course, I had to take some page markers because they are handy af and I'm running out of them quickly. Get yourself a stack of cute post-it bookmarks and sticky notes and make your studying and remembering things much easier and more fun.

I still haven't bought everything I need because I'm kinda picky about pens and notebooks so I have to find something that will suit me. I am also in search of a decent planner because it's a must for an organized law student (even though I'm not organized at all but I will do my best and try it this time). I was thinking of having a planner on my phone but I prefer to write stuff down on paper.

That's all I got today, peace out mah friends!

Study tips & tricks for law school

During my active procrastination hours here at the seaside, I came up with some of (for me, personally) very useful tips for studying and I thought it would be great if I shared them with you, you never know when you might need them.

1. First thing first, I highly advise you not to buy completely new books at the beginning of school year. If possible, wait until professors tell you which books you REALLY need and then run to your library and get them there, as many as possible, because they're free (and believe me, law books ain't cheap!). Another cheaper path you can take is that you buy used books from your older colleagues and you might even score a few notes and briefs in the package!

2. Listen to your older colleagues! If possible, get to know people who are at your law school for a couple of years and are well aware of how things work there and know the professors. Ask them for advice, help with studies, how to manage all the work and most importantly, about exams and professors' preferences. This is the best way to start law school a bit less stressed. If you do get a friendly advice from your older pals, DON'T IGNORE what they tell you, because it's golden information, they already know how things work.

3. I know how frustrating it is when you get a book from the library and can't use highlighters in it... it makes me sad really, but there's something you can do about it. I came up with this a couple of days ago (I'm slow, yes) and it motivated me af! The only thing you need is page markers (or whatever they're called) and scissors. Cut these bad boys into thin strips so they can only cover the font size in your book you need to highlight and - voila, you can now highlight keywords and remove it later, no one will ever notice.

4. If you're constantly running out of time and are way behind your studies (me 24/7), sticky notes are a pretty good way to make things speed up a bit. I always need to make notes when I study, but it takes so much time. What I do is take a bunch of sticky notes and write a summary on them as I read through the book. Write only important information or something you have trouble remembering and stick it in the book. When going through the book, quickly skim the text and read your summary on sticky note. It works for me!

5. Stay motivated! Probably the most important thing, because you're most likely gonna be living behind a book during finals season and it will come a time when you'd rather become a stripper. Find a way to get back on track. I personally use some motivational quotes, stick them around my apartment or set them as a background picture on my phone/computer. Watch an episode of Suits, listen to music or go for a relaxing walk. You can also reward yourself with your favorite food or a bottle of wine after you accomplish your daily task. Treat yourself, even during hard times!

I hope some of these work for you like they do for me. Stay strong!

Procrastination - summer edition

It feels like it's time for me to write at least one blog post since I've been slacking off for the past week (that also includes studying for my last exams). Honestly, I don't know which topic should I write about that would be a tiny bit useful and interesting.

So I'm gonna sum up my boring everyday routine, some of you may find it interesting or at least good enough to procrastinate from whatever work you should be doing right now.

I'm currently enjoying my vacation at the seaside. And by enjoying, I'm referring to sporadically studying during sunbathing, swimming and drinking beer. I came to realization my planning skills are close to zero and same goes for self discipline. I still have three exams left to finish until I start second year of law school and I'm quickly running out of oh so precious time.

I wake up everyday around 9am, drink coffee and have breakfast. After that, I sit at the porch, listen to the neighbour's kids yelling and arguing about who's in charge of their play group. When I get tired of everyone, I head off to the beach, chill out and think about how many pages I have to study per day to not run out of time in the end. After lunch I try to study (unsuccessfully). By the evening, I can finally get my shit together and start studying for real with a beer on the side. Life's tough.

First year impressions

I might be a law student for “only” a year, but if  I look from  the other perspective, I’ve actually came quite far, considering almost half of  my colleagues quit after first couple of months. Law school is hard, agreed, but it’s also extremely interesting, not to mention entertaining. I personally always wanted to study law and for that I blame numerous TV shows and my favorite had to be JAG. I was literally obsessed with it and I wasn’t even 10 years old. Here I am now, around 10 years later, studying to become a lawyer. Being an anxious and not very confident person, I’m kinda surprised by my success, because I motivate and concentrate very hard and yet I still climbed one step closer to my dream profession. To everyone who’s struggling, don’t give up on your dreams and don’t let anyone tell you’re not good enough. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, same goes for “friends” who don’t support your decisions and try to convince you made a wrong choice.

Motivational words from Harvey *winks*

I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical when I applied for law school because I though my introverted personality might be a big problem (learned soon enough that ex cathedra lectures are no big deal and no one gets called on, lol). I’m forever scared of being called on at practicals though but let’s just face it, it’s not that bad after all and you’ll have to speak publicly anyways if you’re gonna be a lawyer. Someday you might even surprise yourself by your (unique) way of thinking and solving problems, so don’t be afraid to speak up (also, professors like students who can think critically and express their own opinions).

During my first year I noticed how drastically my perception changed, I literally think about law related things most of the time, it can be very convenient in everyday life too. Even if you’re far from being a lawyer, you still know a lot more than regular people who don’t study law. I think studying law gives you very broad knowledge which you can actually use, it’s not just fun facts (still kinda loads of fun facts but u kno what I mean).

I wanted to write what my favorite thing about studying law is, but I honestly can’t pick one. I really enjoy most of it, I even grew fond of reading, because that’s basically what you do most of the time as a student. I enjoyed Constitutional law and Civil law the most. Con law lectures had to be one of the best parts of the week, because professor made it extremely interesting and hilarious. In conclusion – despite complaining and stressing out about law school most of the time, it’s still something I most definitely do not regret. 

I apologize for not making this post hilarious, just felt like expressing my thoughts in all seriousness would be more appropriate (at least I tried, hehe).

Your new best friends when you start law school

Don't worry, you're still going to keep all your actual, or imaginary friends. I'm talking about essentials you'll most likely, if not urgently need during your precious law studies. Here are just some of my personal favorite law school essentials -  let's just jump right into it, shall we?!


1. CAFFEINE!

Now, that wasn't obvious at all. But still, if you haven't thought of caffeine at once when I mentioned law school essentials, then I don't know... you might have problem.

Either it's coffee, cappuccino, frappuccino, crappuccino, green or black tea and who knows what else, I guarantee you, sooner or later - you're gonna need it. If you are a night owl and prefer to study at night, it's a must.

Also a quick tip - if you drink coffee every day out of your habit (like me), I recommend you completely stop or at least limit you caffeine intake during summer when you have no lectures, because you've probably built a tolerance. After giving your body a break from caffeine for some time, it will work much better in the beginning when you start drinking it again. It's hard, but it works for me (or maybe it's just a placebo effect, who knows).

2. HIGHLIGHTERS

No shit, Sherlock. There's not much to say. Not only your notes are gonna be pretty and colorful, it's also extremely helpful if you actually know how to highlight and at least try to color code your notes. DO NOT highlight everything, because this defeats it's purpose. Only highlight the most important things (I know, in law pretty much everything is important, he he...). I'm a visual type and I usually remember important information or Latin expressions by color. For example, my definitions are always marked yellow and rules orange. I usually mark important titles pink and important words/expressions green. That way I know immediately where everything is, as soon as I look at my notes. Just try it out and see what works best for you.

3. STICKY NOTES

While I was writing this, I realized I really am a visual type. So, another tip from me... if you have trouble remembering cases, rules, definitions, Latin expressions or even your grocery shop list, go grab some sticky notes, write a rule or whatever you need to remember on one of the each note, then stick 'em around your apartment. I recommend places like your fridge (of course, hehe), your desk, computer, mirrors, maybe even a bottle of wine (credits to my roommate for this one), it has to be somewhere you often look at. Then let the magic do it's work. I personally don't even have to read it anymore, I remember by looking at it so often, then I just recall the picture when I need to remember the information. Smooth!

4. NEARBY LIBRARY

Before I went to law school I NEVER studied at the library, because my optimal study space was always my own room with some good music playing. No need to say, that changed. I have an older colleague who studies law too and he said my apartment is perf, because there's a library nearby. At that time I thought to myself I could never study there and I'm just not the kind of person to be at a public place for 10 straight hours.... WRONG! When you sit there and study, you might get a nervous breakdown or an urge to cry but as soon as you realize there's at least 100 other people around you, feeling exactly the same, it comforts you instantly and gives you some motivation. There's also a reason I never study at  the law library - too quiet! Now, everyone likes to study with no distractions, but there... you get the looks just by coughing or moving your chair closer to the desk. No, thanks, city library it is. (Also, headphones with some chillout or uplifting trance playing are very handy!).

Another reason I prefer studying at the library...

5. ALCOHOL

When you come home after a LONG day, possibly pissed off at everything and everyone around you, you might want to relax before you do anything responsible. A glass of wine, a beer, a shot of schnaps, scotch, whatever floats your boat. You aren't an alcoholic for having a drink once in a while, but don't exaggerate (my advice from personal experience), unless you don't have anything important to do the next day (don't forget, you need to "party" sometimes, too). And now, my ultimate tip for beating anxiety at class - if you're 100% sure you're getting called on the minute professor walks into the room, have a shot before you go to class, you'll be confident, able to speak fluently and have a nice rosy glow to your cheeks! (At your own risk, though *winks*)

I hope you do realize that my last tip was pretty much a joke, so... at your own risk, indeed, if you're brave enough *laughs loudly*

That's pretty much it for me. Of course you're gonna need books and money and more money and whatnot, but these are pretty much obvious. If you have the same favorite law school essentials like me - I love you! (maybe leave out the alcohol)

Me, in a nutshell...

Soooo... hello? Should I introduce myself first or... 

As you can probably tell from my blog's title, I'm a law student, not in love, maybe a bit crazy, but aren't we all? Sleeping, procrastinating and eating are my hobbies, being spontaneous and slightly stressed out are my ways of living, welcome to my life! 

It's July, almost August now and also vacation time so I figured starting a blog would be a great idea due to my exploding amount of free time I suddenly have. It's not gonna last (the free time thing), but as long as it's there, I will try and write down my random thoughts regarding my experience about being a law student, mostly in a comical way coz that's how I roll! Speaking of that, let's just dive in and make this first blog post a mess....

me, in a nutshell...

Since I started law school I quickly realized hanging out with friends and studying/preparing for lectures don't go well together, especially if you get a call at 8 or 9 in the evening (and your friends are even bigger alcoholics that you are). "I have to study" actually becomes a valid excuse (eff yea!), not just a phrase you used to say to your parents when they asked you to do the laundry. Needless to say, I gave in to the temptation of having a drink or two (or three, or ten, who knows) and then woke up the next day, 15 mins before my lecture, still drunk and unable to live but still managed to survive. Moral of the story - you can do it! (Encouraging words right here *winks*)

 Now is probably the right time I mention I usually prefer to stay in and chill (preferably with my cat), read a book or watch a movie and have a glass of wine than go out with a large group of people - that's why I love having an excuse about being a law student, so convenient! *high five to fellow introverts btw*

Introducing you my Qat real quick, ain't she pretty!!

Great, so from what you've read till now, you probably think I'm a lonely cat lady whose life is a mess and is an alcoholic. Well, you're probably right, but I'm also fun sometimes. 

The other day I (finally) watched The Paper Chase - highly recommend to every (future) law student. Very relatable! I don't know why it took me so long to watch it, but on the other hand, if I did watch it before I went to law school, I'd probably be even more terrified. Oh, the fear of being called on, never gets old. Talking about that, I do, in fact, have a great tip for beating stress and anxiety before you get called on (there's no escaping it), but I'll save it for some other time. As you can see, I love to remind myself about my terrible and/or embarrassing speeches at tutorials and seminars even during holiday... that's called devotion, my friend.

Conclusion: it feels good to write, sure hope I didn't scare you away (I'm really not that bad though).